Current Mood: Faith-filled & On Fire 4 God! & Still-Standing & Anointed

I know that it may be hard for some people to believe that I’m a super-private person.  When you read things such as my eJournal and many of my other writings, it appears to be as if I am a very open person when it comes down to sharing things about my private life.  To some degree both are true.  By nature, I am a super-private person.  I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember.  However, when the Lord first put it in my spirit to write, one of the things He placed in my spirit was to be transparent; sharing all of my experiences—the good, the bad and the ugly.  My initial response was ‘not so’.  I didn’t want to be judged anymore than I already am.  I didn’t want to be ridiculed, scrutinized, talked about, scorned or anything else that comes with having your business out there; however, what I didn’t realize was that was already happening.  I was already talked about, already ridiculed, already misunderstood and a slew of other things; however, at that particular time, I didn’t see it that way.  Nevertheless, what superseded my concerns of being mocked is the very fact that God designed me to want to help other people.  He’s put something in me that compels me to minister regardless of the pain I may be experiencing at the time.  The truth of the matter is that my life is ministry and a part of that ministry is the ministry of being transparent. 

I remember many years ago, not too long after I had moved to VA, I had experienced one of the darkest moments in my life.  At that time, I had found out my husband had cheated on me with another woman and he had the tendency of choosing alcohol above and beyond me and the children.  As a result of our splitting up, my oldest daughter repeatedly ran away from home and for a while she was nowhere to be found by me or the police.  I remember having panic attacks each time my phone rang past 10PM because I was afraid of receiving a call from the police asking me to come ID a body they believe to be my daughter.  I didn’t know what to expect. 

During that time I was working in corporate America and was enduring constant verbal abuse from my manager who was trying to climb the corporate ladder, but at my expense (that’s a testimony that I’ll share at another time).  I was an Advertising Executive and was the top producer of my team and in my department; however, my self-esteem was so low that I actually dealt with being berated and condescended on a regular basis.  It became “normal” and I tried to become comfortable with it.  Deep down inside I knew that the ‘old Naima’ would never put up with this and I knew that what I had allowed to carry on was unhealthy and not right.  But what prevailed was that overwhelming feeling of being worthless and undeserving of anything good.  I was so tore up inside during that time that people at the office just thought I was a very quiet person, which isn’t true at all.  I’m actually pretty talkative, but during that time I couldn’t speak.  Oftentimes I tried to just be invisible because inside I felt as though I was slowly diminishing. 

Simultaneous to all that was going on, I was the sole bread winner so it was imperative that I kept it all together, at least as best as I could.  I lived in Newport News but worked in Norfolk and I worked traditional business hours so it was inevitable for me to be in tunnel traffic going to and returning from work.  During that time I felt like I was being pulled in so many directions and it seemed like my life was too much for me to bear.  The mindset I had was similar to that of a battered woman, and making matters worse was the fact that my marriage meant the world to me, so when I learned of my husband’s  infidelity, I was devastated.  I had many emotions surge through me, but the most intense one was anger; both at him and at God.  I believe it’s quite obvious why I was angry with my ex-husband, but my short-lived anger with God was because I was faithful to my marriage and I felt this shouldn’t had happened to me.  As I mentioned, that was short-lived, mainly because I knew better than that.   

I said all of that to lead up to this one particular day while I was driving to work; during which time I was feeling pretty homicidal and suicidal.  I felt as though I owed it to myself to have a nervous breakdown because this was too much for one person to bear.  I still didn’t know where my baby (oldest daughter) was and my once stable family was ripped apart before my eyes and I felt like there wasn’t anything I could do.  All I knew is somehow I had to pull it altogether because I had 3 more children at home who needed and depended on me.  I couldn’t afford to lose it though I was so tempted to.  And let’s not even talk about the numerous times I fancied the idea to slam my pedal to the medal and drive myself over the bridge.  I was in a very dark place, and as I was driving to work, I was screaming and crying out loud in my SUV.  I was vexed and broken into countless pieces, but immediately following my ranting were words that flowed right out of my heart, which is this—IF I could save one person from experiencing the enormous pain I was carrying then what I was going through was worth it.  Those words flowed from somewhere within me that I barely knew existed.  I was broken, but indeed very serious.  And please do not misconstrue this as me glorifying myself because that couldn’t be further from the truth.  God gets all of the glory because all that is within me that is good comes from Him.  I cannot (neither do I want to) take credit for something God has done.  He gets all of the glory!

So here I am today.  Right now I am looking at some pretty extreme circumstances and they are in fact extreme.  However, God has shown me a glimpse of my future and what I seen is far greater than what I am battling right now.  Though I can be a lot of things right now, from worried to downright terrified, I choose God and His Word.  I choose His Will for my life.  This doesn’t mean that I have all the answers because I don’t have the answer to even one of many questions.   It doesn’t mean I have a contingency plan or a Plan B because I don’t have that either.  But what I do have is God and I have learned that I can put ALL of my trust in Him.  I believe many say they love the Lord but it’s easy to make such a declaration when you have digits in the bank, a steady income and in good health.  But can you say that while God is turning your world upside down and inside out?  Can you say that you trust Him in the midst of your storm or in the middle of your crisis?  Are you able to say “Lord, I trust You” even when trusting Him doesn’t’ seem profitable?  Is your trust in Him there even when you look like a complete and utter fool to all who know your situation or circumstance? 

I’ve come to a place in my life where I realize that my life is indeed ministry and that a part of that ministry is to be transparent.  People, both saved and unsaved, need to see that the life of a true child of God is not one that is always floating upon the mountain top.  Au contraire!  There are definitely some valley experiences, and it is often through those experiences that your relationship with God deepens and grows to a whole new level.  The Bible says many are the afflictions of the righteous BUT the Lord delivers them from them all!  Thus, the Christian life does include hardships but the awesome promise God has made to us is that we will NOT go through them alone.  He will be with us, always! 

I cannot tell you how much God has completely changed my life, and even now, He’s bringing me to a higher level of faith and a deeper level of trust in Him.  I can actually say that I am absolutely, head-over-heels in love with the Lord my God.  He is the Lover of my soul and the Keeper of my heart and my life is sold out to Him.  There are several things the Lord will have me do before I leave this earth with the priority being living a life of worship and holiness.  We as children of the Most High are all called to live in a way that glorifies the Father, and His glory doesn’t always mean our comfort.  Quite frankly, God is often glorified in our struggles and pain; but in that we learn that God’s grace is sufficient.  With that being said, my putting my business out there for others to see isn’t something I can say that I love doing; HOWEVER, what greatly supersedes my comfort and prevails in my heart, even above the possibility of being judged, is this — IF my experience or my testimony helps another person or encourages another in some way, shape or form, then a part of my purpose has been fulfilled AND God gets ALL the glory!

Be encouraged!

Be edified!

Be blessed!

© 2009, Ms. Lady Nai. All rights reserved. A part of Shekinah Glory Outreach Ministries International

When thou pass through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walk through the fire, thou shall not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. Isaiah 43:2

Delivered from Depression
I just wanted to take the time to give my testimony of the great things that God has done. God is a God who sits high and he looks down upon his children with compassion and concern. He is a very present help in the time of trouble. There are things that we face in this life that may cause us to fall deep into despair. Things that may over whelm us and bring depression upon us. There was a time when I did not make it through the waters, I allowed them to over take me. The rivers carried me down stream. And the fire left a stench in my spirit that a chain smoker could not stand. I was severely depressed. What is depression? Lets look at the definition of Depression:
• a mental state characterized by a pessimistic sense of inadequacy and a despondent lack of activity
• sad feelings of gloom and inadequacy
• depressive disorder: a state of depression so severe as to require clinical intervention.
There are times when depression can be so severe that medical intervention may be needed. I suffered from depression for years. My mother had it and I believe the enemy assumed that this was something that I was going to be forced to live with. My grand-mother whom I adored died when I was about 8-10 years old. We use to spend summers at her house every year. We were very close. My mother died when I was 13 years old. I was not sure what depression was until I started doing research and learning about my family tree. My dad was an alcoholic and he had many, many other issues. He was murdered when I was about 22 years old. So, I began to seek a deeper relationship with my children’s father. But I still always found my self in a state of depression. Always embracing what I was use to and drowning my sorrows in friends and alcohol. I was sick and tired of living the way I was living. My older sister invited me to church and I new that God was the only one who could help me. I dedicated my life to God and began to seek him to fill me with his spirit. After my kids father was also brutally murdered , I became depressed again and this time, prayer did not make it go away that quickly. I was sick of feeling depressed and grief all the time. Afraid to think positive, because I may get disappointed. Afraid to believe that good things would happen for me. I was falling and falling fast into a deep black pit of despair. It wasn’t until I began to let go of my self and started seeking God for who he truly is that I began to get delivered. Yes, I even started taking pills at points in my life. But, while seeking God, he allowed me to wing myself off of them. It was him not the Doctors. I began to take in the word of God like medicine. And trust him for the God that he said he is. I did not know him. So, it was time that I get to know him. The word of God says that he has given us everything that pertains to life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). Depression does not pertain to life or godliness. It brings death. He said that whatsoever we bind on earth is bound in heaven and what ever we loose on earth is loosed in heaven (Matt 16:18-19). There is no depression in heaven. So, if it’s not in heaven, it should not be in my life. We have the keys to the Kingdom of heaven and I made in my mind that I would chose to use them. Many other things have happened in my life (the death of my husband and close friends) that could have caused me to jump off a bridge, or stay in bed all day long. But Gods word says that he puts before us life and death… choose life so that our seed may live.
I chose to live. Every day when I wake up I have a decision whether I want to get out of bed and put on my clothes or lay there and be depressed. I choose life! I choose to live. It’s not that I am great, or that I am smart or that I am powerful or strong. It is a choice. We choose what we want to eat each day, we choose what we want to wear. We choose what we what to watch on TV. So why can’t we choose to live? I began to get up and get around people that would bless my spirit. Not people who gossip and talk about others. Gossip brings death. I choose life. I chose to be around those who speak God’s word, those who knew how to pray. I chose to show up in God’s house whenever the doors opened even if I had to bum rides. My soul was at stake. My life was at stake. I chose life. Before you knew it… the depression was gone! Yes, I was still going through problems and situations but I knew that I was not alone, God was with me and I allowed him to take charge of the problem. Why should I sit there and die when I can live. There are so many people out here that hold on to depression like it’s a friend. Like it’s a way of life. But in reality all it is, is a familiar bondage. It is what we are use to. It is something that we are use to embracing and living with. We’ve always been this way so, why not stay this way. The devil is a liar! You can be free today. But you must work for freedom just like anything else. You must make up in your mind what you want and walk accordingly. It will take work, but most things worth having does. So don’t give up, get up! Walk toward deliverance. Walk toward peace. Walk toward victory, and allow God to deliver you from depression! Be Encouraged but most of all be Delivered!
I Love you ,
Alvia Cabbler

© 2009, Elder Alvia Cabbler. All rights reserved. A part of Shekinah Glory Outreach Ministries International